I’ve been arguing with God lately. Whining, pitching fits, stomping my feet. Like a kid with abandonment issues, I can’t tolerate His silence and seeming absence from my life. It depresses me.
“I have these needs, still, as You know” I say. I stand outside in the dark of night, my hands upturned, trying not to make fists at Him. “Why is all this happening? What is up with this?”
“Look at all these bills piling up,” I tell Him.
“Why can’t I find a church?” I ask Him.
“Did You really mean for me to be alone?” I whine. “Why?”
“Will You please make the path clear to me? I don’t know what You want me to do.”
I ask for the hundredth day in a row, “Please, will You help me with this, and this, and this, too?”
No answer. I search the Bible for answers. I pray. I give Him pieces of my mind, and listen in the silence. Nothing.
Maybe I’m doing something wrong. Maybe I’m praying wrong. Maybe my heart is not in the right place. Maybe my faith is lacking.
Are You there for me? Are You listening to me? Will You please answer me?
9 responses so far ↓
Brenda // March 12, 2007 at 10:56 am
I am going through the same thing, and have been for quite some time. However I look at it as a test of patience, every thing God puts us through or allows to happen to us, is for a reason, and if it’s Gods reason then it’s a good one. Be patient.
heaintthroughwithmeyet // March 12, 2007 at 11:03 am
Novice, I was wondering why you dont email and why you dont post, now I probably know why
Anyways, I agree with the comment above, and yes God let us go through tribulation so we cling closer to Him, and we learn through those trials. You know God is with you, and you dont lack faith. You lack patience and that is what he is teaching you!
I will pray for you my sister, it all will work out for good!!!
Love in Christ
Andrea
cumby // March 12, 2007 at 12:39 pm
Life, as a Christian, used to include answered prayers, a voice that spoke to me, dreams and visions. That stopped many years ago. I feel abandoned and alone, like I’ve done something terribly wrong.
Someone explained to me that a father doesn’t carry his children around after a certain age. He puts them down and makes them walk on their own, or else their growth will be stunted.
We now have a chance to send our roots deep searching for the river of life. It is painful and lonely but leads to a much stronger tree when the storms come.
I didn’t want to hear this and I suspect you don’t either.
heaintthroughwithmeyet // March 12, 2007 at 12:57 pm
LOL…Cumby didnt want to hear that, but he tells it to you!!
Good comment btw
Just love it
Andrea
novicechristian // March 12, 2007 at 1:38 pm
Hi Brenda. Welcome and thanks for your comment. I am patient to a fault, always have been. Seriously, I wonder just how patient He’s trying to make me!!
Andrea, you too, see above
I SO appreciate your prayers. Life’s just tough right now.
cumby, are you saying you STILL feel abandoned and alone? Then you’re right, I did not want to hear that! Where do you (we) find sufficient faith to live that kind of life (rhetorical question)??? Thank you, though. It gives me thoughts to ponder and learn from.
Catherine
krislinatin // March 12, 2007 at 3:43 pm
Wow, cumby, that gave me shivers.
Cath:
If I were God you’d get a spanking for stomping around demanding stuff from me.
I just made myself snort, I’m laughing so hard. Cuz I’ve been there and can picture a child stomping around with his lip out….. LOL
Im just teasing about the spanking part…
**Maybe I’m doing something wrong. Maybe I’m praying wrong. Maybe my heart is not in the right place. Maybe my faith is lacking. **
Maybe it could be any of those things or none of those things.
have you written your NEEDS down and looked at them, then maybe just start going downt he list and the ones you can control, like the bills piling up, i.e., consolidation, job, i dont know your financial/job situation, so I can’t get specific.
or the being alone thing? Are you still struggling with that issue?
Can you get someone to help you with the list once you make it?
Patience is a virtue but I find if I pray for patience, I usually get far more than I bargained for!
And sometimes scriptural platitudes aren’t even helpful, i.e. Gods time is not our time. It’s great to be reminded of these things, but when we are in the midst of the crisis/problem some things just come off sounding a bit , eh, crass, or stupid or simple. Maybe I’m not saying it right.
E-mail me if I can help….
the fact that you are even still praying and searching God for answers is the proof of the faith you need. Faith is hanging in there for the long haul.
Kristina
cumby // March 13, 2007 at 5:56 pm
“cumby, are you saying you STILL feel abandoned and alone?”
That feeling comes and goes. But we are not to live by our feelings but by faith.
There are other times when I feel the glow of His presence in me, especially during ministry to others. There are times of answered prayers. But lots of silence too.
If God never does another thing for me or speaks to me again, I will still follow and obey Him. I’m too far gone to ever turn back now.
Growing up is not easy in the natural or in the things of the Spirit.
I believe in God’s Word. Jesus said “I will never leave you nor forsake you, even to the end of the age.” That settles it for me despite how I feel at times.
dancingboysmom // March 14, 2007 at 3:01 pm
(((Catherine)))
Those feelings are just so hard to deal with. I hate it when the heavens are brass but even the “man after God’s own heart” felt that sometimes. During times like these it is good to read about folks like David, hiding out in caves from an insane king who wanted to kill him even when he was innocent of all wrongdoing.
It sure is awful to go through these periods but every Christian does. Do not feel as if your faith is somehow insufficient. When Paul had prayed to have his thorn removed, God told him “no.” But he also pointed out that his strength is sufficient for us during these times. He will carry you through and, if you are like most Christians, your faith will be much stronger for it after these trials have passed (and you have moved on to the next set of trials).
Found this sermon. It’s an old Lenten sermon that might make sense to you right now. http://www.sermonsfromseattle.com/lenten_series_my_god_my_god.htm
DBM
jimsave // March 24, 2009 at 8:09 am
I know the feeling also, many years, glimpses here and there but no real concrete answers, I read the book of Job the other day and got a good laugh, because it is so true and when he is silent, it is only because he is working on your behalf. I read he will give you his gifts intended for tomorrow tomorrow, the day’s needs is all that is required.
when you are seeking and asking you have a far better advantage than those who are filled and not seeking, The way of the Lord to deepen the loved one is to cause a deeper hunger, which meanwhile, the surfaced stuff will help you to understand, that only his righteousness will stand. So do not despair your prayers will at some point go from fill my life to fill me with the right attitude and your righteousness, But remember, through it all, do not allow condemnation to stop you. Read about Jacob and the book of habbakuk. Honestly from our standpoint, his ways are not our ways, and at some point the light comes on and you go, oh I see.